A little Gunshy…

A little Gunshy…

I’m going to go out on a limb. Can I be transparent with you? I’m a little gun-shy these days when it comes to trusting that God wants to give me good things. You know when God tells you that he’s going to give you this position, that job, this ministry or that spouse? You think wow, there’s no way I’m worthy of that God… then over time you begin to think “that was just me, that wasn’t God telling me those things, that’s just my pride welling up. God would never give someone like me something like that“. Maybe your thoughts aren’t so self-condemning, mine usually aren’t either, but they’re something like that.

So why am I gun-shy? Those who have followed my story over the last few years probably know why.

A little over two years ago I was going through one of the most intense and life-changing experiences of my life. In the midst of all of that I clearly hear God tell me that it was time to move to Texas and attend Gateway Church. I also knew (felt) that He had told me to get involved in the worship ministry at Gateway. I had a passion for worship, without a doubt, but no experience leading worship and very little experience even playing in front of people. But, I had a passion for music and worship and I knew God could do the rest. I packed up and two  years ago today I moved to Texas. But as soon as I arrived I felt like the victim of a cruel bait and switch.

To boil a long story down to a few sentences I did finally get involved in Gateway’s worship department… but it was just a few months before God told us we would be moving back to Indiana. Because of this they “weren’t sure what to do with me” since they were looking for longer-term people. I was at a cross roads. Do I follow what I believe God is telling us to do and move a thousand miles north to Indiana or do I step into what I BELIEVE to be part of my destiny and stick around Texas so I can become part of Gateway Worship? It was a test, and it hurt. You see I knew that God was telling us to move back to Indiana this fall. I BELIEVED that He wanted me to move to Texas so I could be involved in Gateway Worship.

The GSA crowd from fall of 2011. This is the exact time and place when Crys decided she actually liked me, though the relationship wouldn’t start for some time…

So I’ve got a little egg on my face and quite honestly I feel like an idiot sometimes, but I guess that’s what happens when you assign your own reasons and suppositions to God’s direction. So while I’ve learned my lesson to just wait and see where God leads. Instead of trying to “discern” what His will might be I’ll just keep asking Him and wait to hear His voice.

So, is there a situation in your life where you feel like God has left you a bit high and dry? Are you willing to take an honest look at your heart and your motives and see if maybe you’ve allowed yourself to chase after His promise instead of listening to His will? Don’t waste much time in that wilderness, get back to His voice as soon as you can and be willing to let the dream die, after all, the thing He has for you is so much better!

Some imagery provided by Unsplash.
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